Romance Package Eh?

"I got a romance package for ya sweet-haht, but it won't be a sea breeze blowin in yeh face! How do ya like thet?!?!" 

That's my new blog character, Chet Mortensen. He has a funny Boston accent and loves dick jokes. Expect to hear more from him, the way I do inside my head at all times.

Success Is Only A Vague, Unidentified Yet Looming Mistake Away

This ad is oddly suggestive. Maybe even suggestive of being suggestive? I'm not quite sure what service is being promoted here, but I know one thing: no daughter of mine will be allowed to click on ads that appear on myspace. My daughter will party MY way - i.e. not at all. And she better not be a bitch about it.

If My Nozzle Volume 22: If My Nozzle Were Served In A Fancy Restaurant

Thanks to Andrew Ciesla for helping me kick off the fall with a great joke about replacing an object with my nozzle! Whether it came al dente would vary depending on the patron.

Ever Wonder What Heaven Looks Like?

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. I was behind the camera on this one, giving direction and t.p.m (through-pocket-masturbating).

Special thanks to Megan Neuringer and Mike Still for LAYING IT DOWN. 

*Note: If you were planning on Digging one of my entries, this would be the one.

If My Nozzle Volume 21: If My Nozzle Were Owned By Starbucks

There's a time and place for grasping at straws.

That Thing We Did! (that exclamation always bothered me)

As those of you who've scrolled down and read the right side of this page know, I'm in a band. We're called Goodness Gracious, named in honor of our gracious-to-a-fault friend. We just finished our debut album, Pam Says, named for our observant-to-a-fault friend. 

You can enjoy it in its entirety for free thanks to the whachamacallit (sp?) below. Give it a listen, it's my favorite thing I've ever worked on. Most of the songs are about babes.

Just When I Had Given Up On Love...

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been pretty busy. Case in point:

Special thanks to Emily Axford (hilarious), Kevin Hooper, and everyone else on the most excellent crew. More to come...

An Oldie But a Goodie Volume 2

A while back when I was still in college (and Jay Leno was hosting The Tonight Show, HELLO!) I taped a few episodes of a an online show where I reviewed student films. I just recovered the first episode and it made me chuckle so I put it on 'tube. Thanks to Alvin Liong for sending it over and to Oliver White for taking a ball bustin'. As the Mexican lady used to say at the cash register in the dining hall, "Enyoy!"

If My Nozzle Volume 20: If My Nozzle Was A Fine Garment

Can you take that in a little? Hehehe...

A New Low For CNN's Live Feed

It is worse than Swine Flu - I'll give 'em that.