If My Nozzle Volume 19: If My Nozzle Was The Gust Of Air Made By Her Large Mouth

"I'll give ya a free trial, sweet haaht."

Thanks to Jake Smith for the nozzle shot.

A Rare Bird

Obvious Joke: David Caruso has fans?!

Slightly Less Obvious Joke: David Caruso offers sole fan conjugal visit.

In The News

He's also taking over the Tonight Show...

Makin' Moves

This is a monthly show I'm producing and hosting with my friend, David Smithyman. It goes down the second Wednesday of every month in the back room at Parkside Lounge, 317 E Houston, at Attorney, 10PM. The next one is this Wednesday, March 11.

This show will also mark the first live performance of Babomya, the digital comedic duo I share with my second friend, Jen Statsky. It's gonna be a big night. Join us for twists, turns and unprecedented mirth.

"This New Policy Would Make It Harder To Work With People We Refuse To Work With."

I'd Sling My Stick Over HER Shoulder! Am I Right Fellas?

This babe is without a home. I'm overcome with emotions, the primary one being wanting to do it. I'm not the most perceptive when it comes to sexual advances. Some men are adept at combing bars, coffee shops, book stores and libraries for girls who've recently been made to feel vulnerable. An iota's reduction of self esteem can mean the difference between exploring someone else's body and business as usual. But a beautiful woman faced with the possibility of living on the streets? That sounds about my speed.

The current economic climate calls for the adjustment of one's game. Fear of going home to an empty apartment (once a prominent aphrodisiac) has been replaced with fear of not having an apartment. Forget closing time. Think foreclosing time. "You don't have to go home, but you can't - Wait, you're homeless?! Wanna do it?!?!"

She might not know who she wants to take her home, but she does know it's cold outside.

This Will Cheer Him Up...

And to top it off, Morgan Freeman has refused to narrate his actions!

Ha Ha Ha! See?! That's funny! Ya HAVE to laugh about it... You'll thank me later. Cough.

In A Bid For International Forgiveness, Chris Brown Changes Last Name To Connery

"Lost At Sea"

This might seem like a strange place to plug things, but is it wrong to want the same fifteen people who read this blog to listen to my podcast (that's a link - you click on it!!!)?

Anyway, here's a taste of Babomya Episode 3 - Jen Statsky-Newton-John. This is a musical comment on the disappearance and reappearance of Olivia Newton-John's ex, Patrick McDermott. He was lost at sea several years ago, but is suspected of faking his death due to bad finances.

The song, "Lost At Sea" was performed by myself and Jen Statsky for the latest episode of Babomya. The lyrics were written by myself and Jake Smith (no link). The tune should be familiar. Enjoy.

Impressive To Everyone But Gene Simmons: Volume 1