If My Nozzle Volume 31: If My Nozzle Were An Overpriced T.

"Did you get a new t-shirt, or are you just excited about my nozzle?"

Wedding invitations are SOOO formal.

I haven't been here much lately. I'm sorry. I HAVE been on Twitter.

The movers are finally making some progress with my full-scale Arc of the Covenant replica

This Was Fun

I was a guest on Comical Radio last week. I had a blast doing it, even though the "7 Minute Abs" guy was on before me and went long, eating into some of my time. No worries though. I got back at him by being twice as funny and interesting during the time I had, and not having abs.

Sometimes you can tell how bad a movie will be based on how hard the poster tries to give you a boner

Possible tagline: What do you do right after you give her that cream pie?

If My Nozzle Volume 30: If My Nozzle Were The Asian Secret To Strong, Lush Hair

My nozzle would be one of the many treasures of the Far East.

If My Nozzle Volume 29: If My Nozzle Were A Towel With Flowers On It

The impending deep tissue massage would play second fiddle – to my nozzle.

If My Nozzle Volume 28: If My Nozzle Were An Old Fashioned Coke Machine

Would you mind helping me crack this open?

'If My Nozzle' Volume 27: If My Nozzle Were A Pen Or Glasses

It's always exciting to receive IMN submissions from fans, and that's how I came across these two gems. It feels great to think that I might be fostering a community of people who think about replacing things with their nozzles. My source on this batch asked not to be mentioned by name, because he has a wife and child...

Come across any good pictures with objects you'd like to replace with your nozzle lately? Send your submissions to brendan@brendanmclaughlin.com. Until next time, hasta la nozzle.

Jeff Tweedy is really happy for those freed miners

If My Nozzle Volume 26: If My Nozzle Were More Persuasive Than This Guy's Nozzle

a.k.a., If My Nozzle Were In The Corner Of A Babe's Eye.

New If My Nozzle: If My Nozzle Were 'Like A Saddle'

"Do you like saddles? Then you'll love this!"

I have a new website!

brendanmclaughlin.com!

A real website! Isn't that exciting? No? Well it is for me. Not to hurt this blog's feelings, but I've felt a little weird using it as my home base. Yes, it's hilarious, and yes, I'm an incredible person no matter what I choose to call my home base. But still, it was time for something more professional. Oh, and I hadn't spent money I should have been saving to do something really vain and frivolous in a while...

Anyway, do yourself - oh who am I kidding? - me a favor, and check out brendanmclaughlin.com. Big thanks to photographer Carl Timpone, designer Kyle Kostesich and programmer Andrew Ciesla for letting me pay and nag them. Enjoy!

Hey, why are you still reading this? You should be on my WEBSITE, jackass. Don't worry, it links back to here. What's that? Pointless? Waste of money? Hey fuck you asshole! I have a website!

Maybe I should have voted differently...

Should I accept this myspace friend request?

Somebody heard the blues a callin'...

At the last We're Nice People show, I talked about how if you mention Kelsey Grammer's name on Twitter, he will either retweet you or respond to you in some way. On the next Follow Friday, I proved myself right. Ya can't make this stuff up people! Well you could - it just wouldn't be that interesting.

Another Big Star Tribute

Not sure why I didn't get an invitation to South by Southwest...

I'm doing a bunch of shows!

The most special thing on the horizon is the next We're Nice People show this Tuesday, featuring Jon Friedman and Ali Wong. Get the whole lineup here.

For the most up-to-date info on where I'll be an when, check my myspace. Hey! Stop laughing!

Yeah. Pretty much.

You're welcome.

If My Nozzle Volume 24: If My Nozzle Was A Piece Of Raw Meat

I never cared for vegetarian babes.