Too Comfortable

If My Nozzle Volume 31: If My Nozzle Were An Overpriced T.

2011-05-21T14:35:00.002-04:00

"Did you get a new t-shirt, or are you just excited about my nozzle?"

Wedding invitations are SOOO formal.

2011-05-19T21:24:00.003-04:00

I haven't been here much lately. I'm sorry. I HAVE been on Twitter.

The movers are finally making some progress with my full-scale Arc of the Covenant replica

2011-02-05T10:19:00.002-05:00

This Was Fun

2011-01-30T12:16:00.005-05:00

I was a guest on Comical Radio last week. I had a blast doing it, even though the "7 Minute Abs" guy was on before me and went long, eating into some of my time. No worries though. I got back at him by being twice as funny and interesting during the time I had, and not having abs.

Sometimes you can tell how bad a movie will be based on how hard the poster tries to give you a boner

2011-01-05T10:44:00.008-05:00

Possible tagline: What do you do right after you give her that cream pie?

If My Nozzle Volume 30: If My Nozzle Were The Asian Secret To Strong, Lush Hair

2011-01-04T15:37:00.001-05:00

My nozzle would be one of the many treasures of the Far East.

If My Nozzle Volume 29: If My Nozzle Were A Towel With Flowers On It

2011-01-04T15:35:00.004-05:00

The impending deep tissue massage would play second fiddle – to my nozzle.

If My Nozzle Volume 28: If My Nozzle Were An Old Fashioned Coke Machine

2010-12-23T13:03:00.003-05:00

Would you mind helping me crack this open?

'If My Nozzle' Volume 27: If My Nozzle Were A Pen Or Glasses

2010-10-15T15:25:00.005-04:00

It's always exciting to receive IMN submissions from fans, and that's how I came across these two gems. It feels great to think that I might be fostering a community of people who think about replacing things with their nozzles. My source on this batch asked not to be mentioned by name, because he has a wife and child...

Come across any good pictures with objects you'd like to replace with your nozzle lately? Send your submissions to brendan@brendanmclaughlin.com. Until next time, hasta la nozzle.

Jeff Tweedy is really happy for those freed miners

2010-10-14T09:55:00.001-04:00

If My Nozzle Volume 26: If My Nozzle Were More Persuasive Than This Guy's Nozzle

2010-09-24T10:34:00.003-04:00

a.k.a., If My Nozzle Were In The Corner Of A Babe's Eye.

New If My Nozzle: If My Nozzle Were 'Like A Saddle'

2010-09-10T18:29:00.005-04:00

"Do you like saddles? Then you'll love this!"

I have a new website!

2010-07-27T23:56:00.011-04:00

brendanmclaughlin.com!

A real website! Isn't that exciting? No? Well it is for me. Not to hurt this blog's feelings, but I've felt a little weird using it as my home base. Yes, it's hilarious, and yes, I'm an incredible person no matter what I choose to call my home base. But still, it was time for something more professional. Oh, and I hadn't spent money I should have been saving to do something really vain and frivolous in a while...

Anyway, do yourself - oh who am I kidding? - me a favor, and check out brendanmclaughlin.com. Big thanks to photographer Carl Timpone, designer Kyle Kostesich and programmer Andrew Ciesla for letting me pay and nag them. Enjoy!

Hey, why are you still reading this? You should be on my WEBSITE, jackass. Don't worry, it links back to here. What's that? Pointless? Waste of money? Hey fuck you asshole! I have a website!

Maybe I should have voted differently...

2010-07-18T23:51:00.002-04:00

Should I accept this myspace friend request?

2010-07-16T13:50:00.001-04:00

Somebody heard the blues a callin'...

2010-05-06T16:20:00.009-04:00

At the last We're Nice People show, I talked about how if you mention Kelsey Grammer's name on Twitter, he will either retweet you or respond to you in some way. On the next Follow Friday, I proved myself right. Ya can't make this stuff up people! Well you could - it just wouldn't be that interesting.

Another Big Star Tribute

2010-04-23T14:03:00.000-04:00

Not sure why I didn't get an invitation to South by Southwest...

I'm doing a bunch of shows!

2010-04-15T14:41:00.005-04:00

The most special thing on the horizon is the next We're Nice People show this Tuesday, featuring Jon Friedman and Ali Wong. Get the whole lineup here.

For the most up-to-date info on where I'll be an when, check my myspace. Hey! Stop laughing!

Yeah. Pretty much.

2010-03-22T00:00:00.004-04:00

You're welcome.

If My Nozzle Volume 24: If My Nozzle Was A Piece Of Raw Meat

2010-03-21T22:13:00.001-04:00

I never cared for vegetarian babes.

This Is The Kind Of Stuff I Think About

2010-03-20T12:44:00.001-04:00

A crude, revamped version of The Box Tops' "The Letter." RIP Alex Chilton.

Some snow

2010-02-10T10:38:00.000-05:00

I painted this. Oh sorry, my friend Rebekah did.

Today's Google "How To:" I Hope These Two Things Aren't Related

2009-12-16T17:32:00.008-05:00

I've done neither. A good steak stands alone, and all mice must die.

As a side note, the kitchen in my apartment is nicknamed, "Mauschwitz."

A Recent Comix Set

2009-12-16T10:03:00.001-05:00

Do You Like It Nasty?

2009-12-13T13:26:00.001-05:00

If the answer's no, please don't watch this.

I Have Some Standup Shows Coming Up...

2009-11-22T22:48:00.004-05:00

You don't have to come or anything. I'm just putting it out there...

Comix

Mon, 11/23 - 7:00

353 W 14th near 9th Ave

$10

Lucky Cheng's

12/2 - 10:30

24 1st Ave

The Creek

Calgary Whalers show

12/4 - 8:00

10-93 Jackson Ave, Long Island City

Parkside Lounge

We'reNicePeople!

12/8 - 7:30

317 E. Houston @ Attorney St.

Ochi's Lounge at Comix

12/12 - 7:30

353 W 14th near 9th Ave

Parkside Lounge

We'reNicePeople!

1/20 - 7:30

317 E. Houston @ Attorney St.

If My Nozzle Volume 23: If My Nozzle Was A Creamy Cone

2009-11-22T22:43:00.003-05:00

GREAT new If My Nozzle courtesy of Dylan Gadino from Punchline Magazine. Happy Thanksgiving week everybody. Gobble gobble!

Romance Package Eh?

2009-10-05T15:16:00.005-04:00

"I got a romance package for ya sweet-haht, but it won't be a sea breeze blowin in yeh face! How do ya like thet?!?!"

That's my new blog character, Chet Mortensen. He has a funny Boston accent and loves dick jokes. Expect to hear more from him, the way I do inside my head at all times.

Success Is Only A Vague, Unidentified Yet Looming Mistake Away

2009-10-05T15:00:00.003-04:00

This ad is oddly suggestive. Maybe even suggestive of being suggestive? I'm not quite sure what service is being promoted here, but I know one thing: no daughter of mine will be allowed to click on ads that appear on myspace. My daughter will party MY way - i.e. not at all. And she better not be a bitch about it.

If My Nozzle Volume 22: If My Nozzle Were Served In A Fancy Restaurant

2009-09-11T15:09:00.003-04:00

Thanks to Andrew Ciesla for helping me kick off the fall with a great joke about replacing an object with my nozzle! Whether it came al dente would vary depending on the patron.

Ever Wonder What Heaven Looks Like?

2009-08-25T15:36:00.006-04:00

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. I was behind the camera on this one, giving direction and t.p.m (through-pocket-masturbating).

Special thanks to Megan Neuringer and Mike Still for LAYING IT DOWN.

*Note: If you were planning on Digging one of my entries, this would be the one.

If My Nozzle Volume 21: If My Nozzle Were Owned By Starbucks

2009-08-10T17:34:00.003-04:00

There's a time and place for grasping at straws.

That Thing We Did! (that exclamation always bothered me)

2009-08-07T14:08:00.005-04:00

As those of you who've scrolled down and read the right side of this page know, I'm in a band. We're called Goodness Gracious, named in honor of our gracious-to-a-fault friend. We just finished our debut album, Pam Says, named for our observant-to-a-fault friend.

You can enjoy it in its entirety for free thanks to the whachamacallit (sp?) below. Give it a listen, it's my favorite thing I've ever worked on. Most of the songs are about babes.

Just When I Had Given Up On Love...

2009-07-21T14:15:00.005-04:00

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been pretty busy. Case in point:

Special thanks to Emily Axford (hilarious), Kevin Hooper, and everyone else on the most excellent crew. More to come...

An Oldie But a Goodie Volume 2

2009-06-04T23:56:00.005-04:00

A while back when I was still in college (and Jay Leno was hosting The Tonight Show, HELLO!) I taped a few episodes of a an online show where I reviewed student films. I just recovered the first episode and it made me chuckle so I put it on 'tube. Thanks to Alvin Liong for sending it over and to Oliver White for taking a ball bustin'. As the Mexican lady used to say at the cash register in the dining hall, "Enyoy!"

If My Nozzle Volume 20: If My Nozzle Was A Fine Garment

2009-05-19T00:10:00.006-04:00

Can you take that in a little? Hehehe...

A New Low For CNN's Live Feed

2009-05-06T14:20:00.006-04:00

It is worse than Swine Flu - I'll give 'em that.

I'm An Advertiser's Dream

2009-05-02T17:29:00.005-04:00

Umm, sure. Why not?

It Was Her Time... For Like 30 Years

2009-04-25T16:35:00.009-04:00

You can only play old ladies for so long before people start looking at their watches. However, she was a master of that art form - maybe the greatest professional old person since Walter Brennan...

I'm pretty sure he was 30 when this picture was taken. Some people just got it...

Anyway, here's to you, Bea Arthur. I'll lift a mug of warm milk to you. When you were young, you were wise beyond your years. When the years caught up to you, they fit like a glove. Heck, your face even looked kind of dead... May you stay forever old, wherever you are.

Whisper words or wisdom, Let it Bea.

Madonna To Adopt Cast Of Slumdog Millionaire

2009-04-20T11:02:00.001-04:00

Handle Us With Care

2009-04-14T14:36:00.003-04:00

A personal highlight from the last "We're Nice People Show." Remember: the audience doesn't have to like or understand a joke for it to be AMAZING.

If My Nozzle Volume 19: If My Nozzle Was The Gust Of Air Made By Her Large Mouth

2009-04-14T14:29:00.005-04:00

"I'll give ya a free trial, sweet haaht."

Thanks to Jake Smith for the nozzle shot.

A Rare Bird

2009-04-14T14:07:00.004-04:00

Obvious Joke: David Caruso has fans?!

Slightly Less Obvious Joke: David Caruso offers sole fan conjugal visit.

In The News

2009-04-07T17:29:00.006-04:00

He's also taking over the Tonight Show...

Makin' Moves

2009-04-06T21:23:00.005-04:00

This is a monthly show I'm producing and hosting with my friend, David Smithyman. It goes down the second Wednesday of every month in the back room at Parkside Lounge, 317 E Houston, at Attorney, 10PM. The next one is this Wednesday, March 11.

This show will also mark the first live performance of Babomya, the digital comedic duo I share with my second friend, Jen Statsky. It's gonna be a big night. Join us for twists, turns and unprecedented mirth.

"This New Policy Would Make It Harder To Work With People We Refuse To Work With."

2009-04-02T11:00:00.001-04:00

I'd Sling My Stick Over HER Shoulder! Am I Right Fellas?

2009-03-16T19:37:00.030-04:00

This babe is without a home. I'm overcome with emotions, the primary one being wanting to do it. I'm not the most perceptive when it comes to sexual advances. Some men are adept at combing bars, coffee shops, book stores and libraries for girls who've recently been made to feel vulnerable. An iota's reduction of self esteem can mean the difference between exploring someone else's body and business as usual. But a beautiful woman faced with the possibility of living on the streets? That sounds about my speed.

The current economic climate calls for the adjustment of one's game. Fear of going home to an empty apartment (once a prominent aphrodisiac) has been replaced with fear of not having an apartment. Forget closing time. Think foreclosing time. "You don't have to go home, but you can't - Wait, you're homeless?! Wanna do it?!?!"

She might not know who she wants to take her home, but she does know it's cold outside.

This Will Cheer Him Up...

2009-02-25T16:25:00.006-05:00

And to top it off, Morgan Freeman has refused to narrate his actions!

Ha Ha Ha! See?! That's funny! Ya HAVE to laugh about it... You'll thank me later. Cough.

In A Bid For International Forgiveness, Chris Brown Changes Last Name To Connery

2009-02-20T12:40:00.001-05:00

"Lost At Sea"

2009-02-04T01:14:00.004-05:00

This might seem like a strange place to plug things, but is it wrong to want the same fifteen people who read this blog to listen to my podcast (that's a link - you click on it!!!)?

Anyway, here's a taste of Babomya Episode 3 - Jen Statsky-Newton-John. This is a musical comment on the disappearance and reappearance of Olivia Newton-John's ex, Patrick McDermott. He was lost at sea several years ago, but is suspected of faking his death due to bad finances.

The song, "Lost At Sea" was performed by myself and Jen Statsky for the latest episode of Babomya. The lyrics were written by myself and Jake Smith (no link). The tune should be familiar. Enjoy.

Impressive To Everyone But Gene Simmons: Volume 1

2009-02-03T17:40:00.002-05:00

Babomya Episode 2 - Sisterhood Of The Traveling Wilburys

2009-01-25T23:08:00.005-05:00

After much delay I'm proud to announce the release of Babomya Episode 2 - Sisterhood Of The Traveling Wilburys. Highlights include:

- Brendan sings a duet by himself
- An unreleased Traveling Wilburys gem, courtesy of Sisterhood of the Traveling Wilburys
- Audio Porn

Subscribe for free instantly on itunes.

Get it on Babomya.com.

BaboMySpace.

I Shall Overcome

2009-01-21T16:54:00.026-05:00

I fear I've fallen prey to a sad truth: I'm speechless - at least where wisecracks are concerned. I had a lot more to say during the election, when I was complaining and busting balls. And for that, I'm mildly embarrassed... But then again, whatever.

It's with determination that I tell you I plan to rise above this feeling of joyous satisfaction. A blogger is judged by what he can build, not what he can neglect in favor of watching T.V. and masturbating.

We're at the dawn of a new age of responsibility; a time that calls for sacrifice, discipline, cooperation and most of all, a willingness to give back. The night was dark, but the sun is rising. No, risen...

With each death comes new life. With each heartbreak comes the possibility of a new love. Around the corner from each moment of disappointment is a brisk morning walk home - a load or two lighter with the taste of tits on the tongue.

We live in an incredible time. A time of hope... A time of change. A time of great challenges, but also great optimism. A time where someone whose father just found out what ipods are can create a podcast to be enjoyed by tens of friends...

I intend to do my part. For me, that doesn't mean building houses, volunteering at a soup kitchen, jerking off any less or buying squiggly light bulbs. No, I plan to rise to the challenge in my own way. I plan to take off my shoes. I plan to loosen my belt. I plan to get comfortable; a little too comfortable...

The Internet Just Got A Little Nastier

2009-01-11T22:04:00.007-05:00

I've been a little lazy about writing recently and for that, I apologize. One of the reasons is that I sometimes get a little sick of my own thoughts and the posts just stop comin'. Another reason is that I've been busy doing other stuff.

That brings us to Babomya, the hilarious comedy podcast I'm currently launching with my hilarious friend and fellow blogger, Jen Statsky. Babomya is a Traveling Wilburys-like coming together of two comedy styles with the intention of reaching people in a fresh, highly 21st century way. As for creative process, two people thinking about stuff in a dark room is always better than one. Hopefully laying these bad boys down each week with Ryan Adams/Robert Pollard-like prolificacy will rejuvenate my desire to write blog posts. Expect new episodes every Monday.

Highlights from Babomya Episode1, "A Babomya Christmas:"

-Jen changes her voicemail
-An appearance by Keane
-A song called "8 Pussies"
-A trip to the South Bronx

To subscribe to the podcast and download Episode 1, visit Babomya.com

Or get it straight at itunes.

Or become friends with it on MySpace.

Special thanks to Gracious for the website and Andrew Ciesla for the art work.

New Years Rockin Eve

2009-01-01T18:53:00.002-05:00

And by "trash" they mean people from New Jersey.

Happy New Year.

No: Volume 1

2008-12-23T10:53:00.002-05:00

No.

This Is Not My Lovely Wife

2008-12-23T10:50:00.002-05:00

Or more importantly, why is that lady in the top hat hitting on your son?

If I'm going to even consider buying your product, you'll have to give me a hotter wife.

It Was Dickiness Killed The Beast

2008-12-22T16:36:00.008-05:00

It's good to see some steadfast integrity coming out of Alaska with this city council member's strict adherence to the state's "Snowzilla" clause. Better to squash a town-full of little kids' sense of wonderment and imagination than... (INSERT ANY POSSIBLE RISK THAT COULD RESULT FROM THE PRESENCE OF A REALLY BIG SNOWMAN).

Governor Sarah Palin signed off on the killing of Snowzilla... Then when she went home saw her husband Todd on the couch, she said, "Hey, what are you doing here???"

Even Better Than The Reel Thing

2008-12-16T11:55:00.004-05:00

For months now, people have been stopping me on the street and saying, "Hey, B: Your comedy has given me so much... The only thing better seeing you live or watching one of your sets online would be watching highlights from multiples sets strung together seamlessly with smoothvideo transitions."

Check out my new reel. Thanks to Alex Russek for putting it together.

If My Nozzle Volume 18: If My Nozzle Were That Tie, That Fake Tan Spray, Or If My Wrist Was One Of Her Wrists

2008-12-11T15:04:00.005-05:00

After a couple-of-month hiatus, here's another edition of If My Nozzle, courtesy of Dylan Gadino, editor of Punchline Magazine. Let's all hate ourselves for wanting to lay this mediocre actress/multi millionaire who is still passive aggressively bitching about getting dumped four years ago.

They Used To Rule The World

2008-12-08T21:12:00.002-05:00

Coldplay stole the melody from Joe Satriani... Then they stole the lyrics from a retarded guy.

Wait - Irish People Aren't Healthy?

2008-12-07T23:56:00.006-05:00

The situation is especially dangerous, because most of the country eats pork and nothing else.

Who would have thought Irish breakfast could be worse for you?

Shut Up: Volume 1

2008-12-04T16:04:00.001-05:00

Shut up.

And The "Band With Too Much Money Trying Too Hard Award" Goes To...

2008-12-04T13:22:00.010-05:00

This is what I can remember from that album I paid $15 for and only listened to once because it sucked:

Title: Viva La Album Title Is Taken From One Painting And The Album Cover Is Of A Painting, But Not The Painting We Named The Album After... We're Idiots.

Track Listing:

1. Would you think we're smart if we did an instrumental?

2. Organs and Bells (& Whistles!)

3. Violet Thing

4. Strawberry Thing

5. Chinese Thing

6. Japanese Thing

7. Indian Sounding Thing

8. You Think You Might Be A GHOST! (dedicated to Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense)

9. One song that was all right

10. Would you think we're smart if we had a hidden track?

11. What about two of them?

12. I'll rhyme anything with anything as long as it rhymes

Alaska: Our Most Potent State

2008-12-04T03:03:00.004-05:00

If this kid is anything like its parents' T.V. show, it will have a lot of retarded baby sitters... Get it?! Only idiots will watch it!!!

The Human Heart

2008-12-03T14:50:00.005-05:00

He paused for a moment, then added, "Oh and I'd still fuck her if she lost more weight."

Are Bygones Bygones?

2008-12-02T20:54:00.004-05:00

He says he feels like he's being wrongly fucked in the ass...

Now's Sheryl Crow's Chance

2008-12-02T16:09:00.010-05:00

Serendipitously, Crow will be in France at the same time promoting her new album, "Remember When You Had Cancer, Then You Left Me When I Got Cancer?"

Theft I Can Believe In

2008-12-02T11:13:00.006-05:00

The rush of stealing that guy's license was almost as incredible as the joy of jerking off to it every night since.

Food For Thought

2008-11-30T22:48:00.021-05:00

Always a great topic for discussion... Here are 6 names I'm really glad my parents steered clear of:

1. Faggot Face

2. Rusty (terrible name!)

3. Dick (it means something else now, ok?!)

4. Gay (it means something else now, ok?!)

5. Blumpkin (it still means the same thing, ok?!)

6. Edward Norton. I hate that guy.

Turn, Turn, Turn...

2008-11-28T12:36:00.006-05:00

A new woman holds that title:

Facebook Makes Sure It's Less Annoying Than Myspace

2008-11-26T10:40:00.005-05:00

They expect to be paid in small checks from hot babes who don't exist.

What Do We Have, If Not Honesty?

2008-11-26T10:22:00.006-05:00

"Come on fellas, we can talk this over like men. I'm bein' straight with ya. Look me in the eye. Shouldn't be too hard - I only have one! LOL! Get it? Eye patch joke! Where was I? Oh - give me a few million dollars or I'm gonna fuckin' kill some hostages."

I Found The Guy Who's Having Less Fun Than Me This Thanksgiving

2008-11-25T14:03:00.006-05:00

Not The Kind Of Pirates You Sue

2008-11-25T11:58:00.003-05:00

Or a better question: Why are you such a dick?

"Houston, We Have A Problem... I LOVE The Taste Of My Own Piss!"

2008-11-25T11:22:00.004-05:00

Bonus Points For Punctuality

2008-11-25T10:49:00.004-05:00

"It gets really crowded once everyone starts showing up," said Vick. "Really dog eat dog."

Happy Thanksgiving From Google "How To"

2008-11-24T23:14:00.004-05:00

Best answer to Number 1: Who cares?

Best answer to Number 2: Check into a hotel and make some coffee.

Back In The Saddle

2008-11-24T22:49:00.002-05:00

Especially the ones who aren't Gwen Stefani.

One Asshole Vs. A Billion Assholes

2008-11-24T15:18:00.003-05:00

The only question is, which side is richer, and crueler to women?

Who Cares: Volume 1

2008-11-24T15:14:00.003-05:00

With all due respect to the used-to-be-funny Al Franken...

Who Cares?

Friends In High Places

2008-11-23T22:23:00.009-05:00

Check out this ABC News segment with my friends Jenn and Andy, also known as Wye Oak, the rising stars of Merge Records. You also may know them from a previous Too Comfortable post, about how a visit of theirs altered my weekend plans.

They were staying at my pad while this was taped, so I feel somehow involved in the process. Do yourself a favor and check out their tunes.

New Age Religion Goes Medieval

2008-11-23T22:18:00.003-05:00

They didn't kill him because he had a sword though. They killed him because he wasn't famous.

The Vatican Once Again Proves That It's Not Behind The Times

2008-11-23T17:19:00.007-05:00

As we all know, it takes Catholics a while to apologize. I just recently made peace with the girl I nick-named "Kelly the Belly" in fourth grade.

But this proves it: John Lennon is the new Galileo. I've been saying it for years.

In other news, Paul McCartney is still totally jealous that he'll never be the controversial Beatle. He couldn't ruffle a feather if there was a species of pheasant that had allergic reactions to crappy lyrics. All together now!

Can't Catch A Break? You Betcha!

2008-11-21T13:09:00.007-05:00

That's not so bad. I do a lot of things while turkeys are being slaughtered. In fact, I write this blog at a turkey farm. The clucking and the smell of blood help me focus. So what if children watch it on T.V. and see something gruesome? At least it's not a nipple!

The Writing On The Crazy Wall

2008-11-21T13:03:00.002-05:00

Then he hung up the phone and stuck the barrel of a loaded gun in his mouth.

Smoothest of Criminals

2008-11-21T13:00:00.004-05:00

The sheikh said he'd settle for $500 million or a jam session.

An Oldie But A Goodie

2008-11-18T13:46:00.005-05:00

Remember when Danny DeVito got really drunk one night and then went on The View the next morning? Well this is like that, but harder to watch.

It's a clip from a short lived movie review show I did for fellow NYU student Alvin Liong's C3TV project earlier in my comedy career. I tried to embed it, but it was so large that it consumed my entire blog. It's not THAT inconvenient...

Watch closely for the part where I throw up in my mouth.

He Could Survive Ball Cancer, But Not Being A Dick

2008-11-18T09:25:00.000-05:00

Pains In The Ass In More Ways Than One

2008-11-12T14:38:00.007-05:00

Then they asked if he plans on having a son, and if he'd consider sending him to Catholic School.

Artistic Differences

2008-11-12T14:29:00.005-05:00

Then Daniel Craig snapped him half with his left pinky while eating a sandwich.

I Agree With Sarah Palin: Volume 1 of 1

2008-11-08T13:43:00.004-05:00

She's stupid, but picking her as a running mate is REALLY stupid.

It Seems Like Years Since It's Been Here

2008-11-05T14:50:00.012-05:00

If I've seemed less funny lately, it's because I've had less to gripe about. I've attempted to condense the last few days in a way that would involve the least amount of writing on my part.

No words necessary.

I met Bill Murray. The guy I wish I were as funny as was very nice to me. It was awesome.

I have four jokes in the new issue of the magazine named after the two things I know the least about. See if you can spot the joke I submitted as a lark thinking it was too crude to actually make the cut...

Naturally, the first one eclipses the second two, but this is MY blog...

Anyway, it's been a good few days, little darlin's. Go treat yourselves to a drink. Fanger somethin'.

Blame More Stuff On T.V. Why Don't Ya?

2008-11-03T17:19:00.004-05:00

That's bullshit. Ain't no T.V. in Alaska!

T.C.B.

2008-11-03T10:23:00.004-05:00

New Video: "Julia Child In Casino Royale"

2008-11-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

This is a short I just laid down with the help of some close friends. It explores the past of one of America's most beloved television chefs, who, it was recently revealed, acted as a field agent to the precursor of the CIA during the end of World War II.

Special thanks to Erich Carrle, David Smithyman, Alex Russek, and, in the words of The New York Times' Ben Brantley, "the excellent Damon Williams."

Enjoy.

A Pussy With Bad Taste

2008-10-29T14:55:00.000-04:00

Tryin Hard Not To Smile Though I Feel Bad

2008-10-29T14:21:00.010-04:00

When last we saw the chunkier of the two guys from Barenaked Ladies, he was expressing regret for being caught with his nostrils down in MiddleOfNowhere New York and posing for pictures with his adorable girlfriend. Here we are months later, and the only thing that's changed is that he FINALLY took my advice and got her to start wearing outfits that match his own.

Edgy, yet cute as a button... If I had a million dollars - I'd roll each one of them up for you ma lady, as long as you dressed like me and touched my weiner.

Greedy, Hateful Man Who Smells Like Shit Endorses McCain

2008-10-28T15:37:00.002-04:00

Somethin's tricklin' down...

McCain Now Gives A Crap About Alaskan Politicians' Ethics

2008-10-28T13:13:00.003-04:00

And Sarah Palin said, "Who's that dude?"